ME and I

Am I a winner or a loser…? I can witness no calm in me but I have seen them crying…  In this game of love and shame I am so tired that I can’t even sense it. I am benevolent for them but I keen to see them crying… my mind is the master and I chase the devil with grace… he will kill you before you try to make him puny…  don’t try to recognize this fire… you’ll be surrounded by flames… respect him and you can reside.

I sing love songs, I hold your hand, I kiss your lips and thus your neck… I tell you I am devil… I will smash you into dark… I’ll lock you in a room and beat you to hell but don’t leave me… maybe this is how I am or maybe I want to show you my history of where I have been… maybe I want you to smell my walls of blood… maybe I want you to hear my screams inherited in the floor... i'll might tie you in that old black chair with a chain but don’t just leave… I want to give you a chance to know who I am… maybe I’ll show you everything I had… maybe I’ll show you I didn’t choose me. Don’t just leave me. 

My devil threaten me all through this… he commands me to kill you before you throw a knife, but I believe you… I believe that you won’t… he throws fire on me and make me numb… he torture me so that I won’t feel anything… but I don’t know why I feel he is always precise, I don’t know why I feel defensible  in being miserable… for being stuck… maybe he loves me… he can’t see me pathetically weak… I owe him everything… he atleast love me… my devil in me.

I know a woman… I like her smell… she smells like me or maybe I smell like her… she know me from the ages of darkness… she was there always but never near… maybe she wasn’t faulty… maybe she wasn’t late or maybe I was in hurry to see how sunset break… she forgot to tell me what to be and I became what I had to be later she told me what I should be but I was grown enough to turn back and be. I hate her devil and she hates mine… when she love me… she leaves me desolated and when she doesn’t she leaves me the same. I don’t know what is wrong and what is right between us… I just know I can’t leave her neither she can leave me.  

I am devillious and live alone but I am happy because I don’t know how not to be… my master teach me well. He is really hard on me… he beats me… he is all cruel on me but he never leaves my side… he know what I want or maybe he doesn’t…. maybe he is just stuck being a devil… but when he holds my hand and walk with me… I feel tough and that’s what he wants from me… I may have lost every game but I have won respect.