COME FIND ME!!!!

Come, find me. If I am to be found...

Lost in the translation of intuitive dreams to oblivion...

Do I always have to say it? The ridiculousness of psyche.

Better escape to wander more from self-recognition

Waiting under the invented serene tree, for becoming comfortable in discomfort...

Violent, cruel, pitiless, brutal, sadistic... INSENSITIVITY!

Are you coming? I can kill you... maybe no, but yes! I hate to be found.

I didn’t know what I was doing, neither do I know now and I hate to explicate too.

Who you are to me? I won’t talk to you... you say things I don’t say to myself.

I look beautiful when I go out, but so ugly too... you know how I hide that undercoat of blood? No you don’t! How can you... I don’t talk to you... I think I have beaten you in this game, maybe no. But I don’t care.

Don’t you dare come near me? I am trying to find peace or maybe no I am not. But I don’t want your fucking peaceful words of sanguinity. GO FUCK YOURSELF you peace of filth.

I command you to never impel me to reveal my demon... I suppress it because I like to over-rule it.

Your fucking sanity gives the impression of being insane to me... I don’t want to confess my anguish... I don’t even want to confess that I don’t want to confess. STAY AWAY!

Your concern over my potential rub up the wrong in me... I go madder or maybe maddest within self. I become immoral than you can ever even think of. I won’t admit that you know me; I hate you and your fucking sweet God like understanding.

Biting nails unpleasantly and even the pink soft skin till I realised I am eating my own self. I know you want me to realise that. BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP! I WILL DO THAT, MAYBE NEVER OR MAYBE SOMEDAY; BUT I DON’T KNOW WHEN. AND DON’T EVEN THINK OF ASKING ME.

I am trying to behave wise... I think for moments I realise it... The conscious and sub-conscious meet for moments but for how long I wonder. WHAT IF IT WON’T BE LONG AND I WILL LOOSE EVERYTHING AGAIN? Is that’s what you crave? Because you don’t have a fucking idea of how fucking scared I am or maybe I am not... I’ll think about it. But there is something which stops me, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!

Don’t try to talk to me and fondle me with your care... I DON’T NEED LOVE; I DON’T NEED YOUR SYMPATHY. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST STAY NORMAL? Or even if you stay normal I don’t give a fuck. I JUST HATE YOU.YOU BETTER NOT EXIST. But that’s not in your hands, that’s why I IGNORE YOU!   

But I guess I know what you want... but why don’t you understand it’s not easy or maybe if you do then why don’t you help me the way I want you to. I know I scare you and repress you and hold you deep back inside and make you numb BUT YOU ARE ME.

 You can’t lose. YOU JUST CAN’T LOSE!

I think I am just a thought! Not a reality. I have to meet myself. I don’t know when but I will. I WILL MEET YOU! TRY TO FIND ME. I ALLOW YOU DEMON! COME FIND ME. I FEEL ASTRAY!