Translate

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Ultimate Victory of Life: Marriage!

I have plenty of spare time to eat brains these days, I have no idea what is up with me but I feel like debating more than I should. I call it debating whereas people's involvement is limited to listening and nodding, because they know I’ll 'Karate-Chop' them with my condemnation if they will reveal their thoughts.
So, the other day I was conversing about marriages with my friends who are absolutely aware of the fact that how much I loathe matrimony. As an Indian women we are born to leave the house, I said THE house because according to ancestors and social order it is not our house because we get/find OUR house after marriage! If only you know what I mean.  But what if I don’t want to get married? And can’t I just pay money for property? (Oh! Yah it signifies immense practicality and insensitivity).

It is just a small example about the scenario of marriages in India. There are many other things which are looped around marriages. Like if I think of getting inked, no that’s a huge demand... many of us can’t even do a job after graduating because their parents don’t want them to. But the point is, it is somewhat their fault that they don’t fight BUT the line of reasoning which kills it all is that WHY WE HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT? Why can’t we just get it... why am I told by my parents that ‘do whatever you want to do after marriage? Is that getting married will give me a passport to wonderland where I will become a princess and everyone will just fold their hand and bow their heads for me. No not at all! Why every woman is obliged to follow what others want from/for them, WHAT DO THEY EXACTLY EXPECT FROM US?

A woman is born with a taunt that she is a woman; she is penalized with razor sharp eyes by everyone, whenever she tries to raise her voice. Is that’s what her identity is? A daughter and a wife?
Why we are artificially forced to get married so that we can get settled in life. What if I feel settled enough without getting married. I am not a handbag which is designed to be carried away by people; I am a human being who can raise children without getting married if she wants to...! Oh! I must have broken some social norm in my last line but CAN YOU STOP ME FROM DOING THAT? That’s a different issue that society will kill me with their gorgeous eyes and words.

I couldn't help but wonder why marriage is your ultimate end? I am not against marriages but only if one wanted to get married not because he/she is told to. I am not even saying I will never get married certainly but what I am saying is why there is any limit to that. Why can’t I get married at 40? Sorry I forgot its India, 21 is highly mature enough to get married here.

Anyways, it all goes with men too but they don’t suffer like women because they are not Women! We both parties are familiar with the taunts we bear in daily life. But apart from that my major question is that how can one become very sure about getting married? How would they realize that he/she is the one? I might sound immature to some people but reality is that most of us are never sure. They just like this idea of getting married or getting settled and then just getting trapped in it. And please don’t bring up the discussion of love marriages in front of me because only few of them are practical, others are just phases. Because I have fallen in love three times and that too sincerely!

My last statement about marriages is, why we are again artificially forced to get married like cartoons? Why can’t we just sign up papers and stay content, people who only sign on papers don't receive god’s affection but the Tom n Jerry show of two does???

HATERS GONNA HATE ME BUT PLEASE ASK YOURSELF! DO YOU SERIOUSLY ENJOY SITTING IN BETWEEN WEIRD PEOPLE, MANTRAS AND LOADS N LOADS OF THINGS ON YOUR HEAD?

Saturday, November 9, 2013

All the lonely people!

I was listening to this song by Beatles_ Eleanor Rigby, which says
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

I was connecting myself to the words and the serene music but then in the end it left me wondering, I was lying on my bed like a frog on a lily pad but the different between the frog and me was I am not a frog, though I would’ve if I had any choice but as I am somewhat a reluctant human being, I have some duties in life. But I wonder what my duties are? What am I suppose to be or do or do not? And why the hell there is so much stress when there is really no stress because as a mature adult if I don’t have stress then surely I am doing something wrong. What are the answers?!!?

I speculate! Where I have to go? And who are those lonely people? I feel lonely almost every time but I love my state of solitary! But that is not the answer, who are they then? Is it me? But the fact of admitting will prove me a loner and which will be an edgy proof of me being weaker than others horrifies me strong enough to make me think that I am not the one. Maybe I am one of them and maybe we all are, we are not some special breed that is born out of some black-hole, off course we have family and friends but they are just like our clothes or shoes or pencils, they are our and they are with us but that can’t make us feel better about our loneliness because they are not what we always demand.

Then I was thinking who we really need or demand or want? Maybe a lover who is not like our mother but just a patriotic lover, who is not a psychopath like us but is a psychopath of his own style, because obviously we can’t survive with someone exactly like us but yes we want his intellectual and maturity level same as ours because dating an uncle makes you feel shit always and it is still a mystery why women date mature guys and men can deal with sweet sixteen no matter how stupid she is. No I am not insulting men but this is what I always wonder because I cannot imagine myself with someone younger than me. Anyways the point is who we really call for? Or do us really need them? Maybe it is just a burden of society and psychological effect of watching couples everywhere, yes maybe this is true… we don’t feel alone sitting in a park until we see bunch of happy couples! Yes I literally mean HAPPY couples because that’s what hurts the most, we are fine if they are bitchy or hate each other… because it somewhat gives us a sense of relief that “that is why I stay alone”, but if they are happy and having great romantic sexual life then it kills us somewhere.

But it’s not what always happens; most of us are still alone even when we are with someone… It’s a dialogue in one of my favorite show that for men ‘we’ is ‘me and my dick’ and that is sometimes true and what happens in man’s case is they try to understand their woman but always fail and always will because women really don’t know what they want.

But all of this never exactly tells me who the lonely people are? But eventually I understand I may not need the answer because to the some extent we all know who they are. Let’s not accept who they are but all of us know, because the truth is; many times people make us lonely and many people are lonely because of us. But it is fine to live in a delusion that we don’t know who they are as its satisfactory!!


We are all walking toward something, something which will end someday and we won’t be needing any answers then.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Eternalness!

Smoking...

Drenched in rain, watching your old cuts, thinking of your insane
Musing over the dream about your father’s death,
Craving over segregation you chose, but it was right? Wasn't it?
It was! But does that makes you happy? Does it? No!

Smoke up some more...

Chase pragmatism, right is the way, all alone you battle
For right you will fight, scared that alone you will die
But right was the way, wasn't it? You are tough and brave and aged and careful? Aren’t you?
You are! But is that permanent? Is it simple to encounter people, as it is lose? No!

Drag and hold up smoke in the chest...

Listening pearl jam, the words pierce through your every vein, but all you feel is void between the chests
You search every pocket, every road, every green, every wood, every black, every rain, every sky, every fire to unearth permanence,
But do you find it? Momentary is life then how will thou find it?
You will! But undying: is love; do you even have a piece of it? No!

Cough and smoke and defeat sanity...

No Blasphemy can stop you, you do what you do, and you devotedly face what you do,
Fight with millions for what is right, but can’t sleep at night,
Because all you see is tattoo of questions in your hand, about what is precise, do you know what is right?
You do, don’t you? Yes you do! But those questions always take a piece of your soul with them, don’t they?
They do! But you won’t change, you can’t change, you don’t want to change, will you? Can you? Want to? No!


Throws the cigarette butt!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Socha to tha!

Socha tha ki ab nahi sochungi, par ye bhi jaanti thi me esi hu nahi...
Raato ko ab to neend bhi aati hai, sajti bhi hu sishe k aage, kajal bhi me naya laayi thi..
Par me ab vesi lagti nahi, jo me dikhti thi vo hu nahi me...
Nikal jaati hu sunsan sadko pe shaanti dhundne, par daraati hai vo raahein mujhe...
Ki me isi shaanti me khatam na hojau ek din, akele hi to bitayi hai zindagi... kitani shaanti chahti hu or...
Ishq dhundhne se nahi milta kehte hain log, par apne aap bhi nahi milta ye humse behtar to kya hi janega koi...
Us din akele nikal gai thi ek gali me cigarette leke, socha shaanti milegi... par ehsas hua ki use ashaant me kabhi na thi...
Fir socha ki hota jo sath to kesa hota, koi pakadta mera hath or ishq se dekhta to kesa hota... koi karta mujhse bhi mithi batein, koi hota jo kehta ki hu me saath tere... par koi hota to kehta...
Kala rang bada pasand hai mujhe, kaash koi ho jisse rang pasand ho...
Socha tha ki ab nahi sochungi, par ishq mehsus kie bhi saalo guzar gae...
Kash mene soch lia hota!
 

Friday, September 13, 2013

Waqt Aane to do!

Fir mene kaha ki aane do... Daro mat! Aane do bas
Par khauf ne kisnki suni hai… lagta hi rehta hai… jesa pahaad ki chotti se niche jhakne me lag raha hai
Hum bhi jaante hain girenge nahi, par ladkhada sakte hain… upar se khade bhi to akele hain…
Barish bhi horahi hai, bach to tofaano se bhi gae the… teyaar hain aaj bhi…
Par hariyaali chodh k naye pathrile raste kisse pasand hain…
Par ab ruk bhi nahi sakte, waqt badal raha hai… nayi zindagi aane vali hai..
Kese bol de use ki mat aa… bulana to padegi hi… zindagi jo meri apni hai,
Akele jeena hota to shayad naa bulate, ye duniya bhi to mann k andar jhank rahi hain…
Jese puch rahi ho ki kya chahte ho? Badna hai ya nahi? Jeena chahte ho?
Par kya jawaab du jab khud se wakkif nahi hu…!
Paav jaama nahi paye hain abhi, nayi zameen pe fislan hai thodi…
Par sambhal jaenge shayad, mann ko bhi kya samjhae… ab thaka hua sa hai
Ab samjhana bhi chod dia hai, par uski thakavat kam nahi hoti… shayad bhatka rehta hai
Sambhlna bhool gaya hai… salo beet gae par lagta hai gehri neend nahi soya,
Mene to koshish ki use samjhane ki… par kehta hai ab or kuch liya nahi jata..

Par fir mene kaha aane do… daro mat… jo arha hai, aane do bas!!!!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

The Capture!

“You don't make a photograph just with a camera. You bring to the act of photography all the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved.” 
― Ansel Adams

















































Monday, September 2, 2013

COME FIND ME!!!!

Come, find me. If I am to be found...
Lost in the translation of intuitive dreams to oblivion...
Do I always have to say it? The ridiculousness of psyche.
Better escape to wander more from self-recognition
Waiting under the invented serene tree, for becoming comfortable in discomfort...
Violent, cruel, pitiless, brutal, sadistic... INSENSITIVITY!
Are you coming? I can kill you... maybe no, but yes! I hate to be found.
I didn’t know what I was doing, neither do I know now and I hate to explicate too.
Who you are to me? I won’t talk to you... you say things I don’t say to myself.
I look beautiful when I go out, but so ugly too... you know how I hide that undercoat of blood? No you don’t! How can you... I don’t talk to you... I think I have beaten you in this game, maybe no. But I don’t care.
Don’t you dare come near me? I am trying to find peace or maybe no I am not. But I don’t want your fucking peaceful words of sanguinity. GO FUCK YOURSELF you peace of filth.
I command you to never impel me to reveal my demon... I suppress it because I like to over-rule it.
Your fucking sanity gives the impression of being insane to me... I don’t want to confess my anguish... I don’t even want to confess that I don’t want to confess. STAY AWAY!
Your concern over my potential rub up the wrong in me... I go madder or maybe maddest within self. I become immoral than you can ever even think of. I won’t admit that you know me; I hate you and your fucking sweet God like understanding.
Biting nails unpleasantly and even the pink soft skin till I realised I am eating my own self. I know you want me to realise that. BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP! I WILL DO THAT, MAYBE NEVER OR MAYBE SOMEDAY; BUT I DON’T KNOW WHEN. AND DON’T EVEN THINK OF ASKING ME.
I am trying to behave wise... I think for moments I realise it... The conscious and sub-conscious meet for moments but for how long I wonder. WHAT IF IT WON’T BE LONG AND I WILL LOOSE EVERYTHING AGAIN? Is that’s what you crave? Because you don’t have a fucking idea of how fucking scared I am or maybe I am not... I’ll think about it. But there is something which stops me, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!
Don’t try to talk to me and fondle me with your care... I DON’T NEED LOVE; I DON’T NEED YOUR SYMPATHY. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST STAY NORMAL? Or even if you stay normal I don’t give a fuck. I JUST HATE YOU.YOU BETTER NOT EXIST. But that’s not in your hands, that’s why I IGNORE YOU!   
But I guess I know what you want... but why don’t you understand it’s not easy or maybe if you do then why don’t you help me the way I want you to. I know I scare you and repress you and hold you deep back inside and make you numb BUT YOU ARE ME.
 You can’t lose. YOU JUST CAN’T LOSE!
I think I am just a thought! Not a reality. I have to meet myself. I don’t know when but I will. I WILL MEET YOU! TRY TO FIND ME. I ALLOW YOU DEMON! COME FIND ME. I FEEL ASTRAY!