Come, find me. If I am to be found...
Lost in the translation of intuitive dreams to oblivion...
Do I always have to say it? The ridiculousness of psyche.
Better escape to wander more from self-recognition
Waiting under the invented serene tree, for becoming
comfortable in discomfort...
Violent, cruel, pitiless, brutal, sadistic... INSENSITIVITY!
Are you coming? I can kill you... maybe no, but yes! I hate
to be found.
I didn’t know what I was doing, neither do I know now and I
hate to explicate too.
Who you are to me? I won’t talk to you... you say things I
don’t say to myself.
I look beautiful when I go out, but so ugly too... you know
how I hide that undercoat of blood? No you don’t! How can you... I don’t talk
to you... I think I have beaten you in this game, maybe no. But I don’t care.
Don’t you dare come near me? I am trying to find peace or
maybe no I am not. But I don’t want your fucking peaceful words of sanguinity. GO FUCK YOURSELF you peace of filth.
I command you to never impel me to reveal my demon... I suppress
it because I like to over-rule it.
Your fucking sanity gives the impression of being insane to
me... I don’t want to confess my anguish... I don’t even want to confess that I
don’t want to confess. STAY AWAY!
Your concern over my potential rub up the wrong in me... I
go madder or maybe maddest within self. I become immoral than you can ever even
think of. I won’t admit that you know me; I hate you and your fucking sweet God
like understanding.
Biting nails unpleasantly and even the pink soft skin till I
realised I am eating my own self. I know you want me to realise that. BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP! I WILL DO THAT, MAYBE NEVER OR
MAYBE SOMEDAY; BUT I DON’T KNOW WHEN. AND DON’T EVEN THINK OF ASKING ME.
I am trying to behave wise... I think for moments I realise
it... The conscious and sub-conscious meet for moments but for how long I
wonder. WHAT IF IT WON’T BE LONG AND I WILL
LOOSE EVERYTHING AGAIN?
Is that’s what you crave? Because you don’t have a fucking idea of how
fucking scared I am or maybe I am not... I’ll think about it. But there is
something which stops me, AND I DON’T
KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!
Don’t try to talk to me and fondle me with your care... I DON’T NEED LOVE; I DON’T NEED YOUR SYMPATHY. WHY
CAN’T YOU JUST STAY NORMAL? Or even if you stay normal I don’t give
a fuck. I JUST HATE YOU.YOU BETTER NOT
EXIST. But that’s not in your hands, that’s why I IGNORE YOU!
But I guess I know what you want... but why don’t you
understand it’s not easy or maybe if you do then why don’t you help me the way
I want you to. I know I scare you and repress you and hold you deep back inside
and make you numb BUT YOU ARE
ME.
You can’t lose. YOU JUST CAN’T LOSE!
I think I am just a thought! Not a reality. I have to meet
myself. I don’t know when but I will. I WILL
MEET YOU! TRY TO FIND ME. I ALLOW YOU DEMON! COME FIND ME. I FEEL ASTRAY!
Par khauf ne
kisnki suni hai… lagta hi rehta hai… jesa pahaad ki chotti se niche jhakne me
lag raha hai
